Monday, September 21, 2015

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

No, not Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, just "The Force Awakens."

Once again, I find myself in the minority of Star Wars fans.  I'm super stoked about a new movie coming out, but I find Disney's marketing campaign to be really tacky.  (Although on a sub-conscious level, maybe I'm just pissed at them for cancelling Tron 3.)

As I've stated many times before, I don't hate the prequels at all.  No, they didn't recapture what it felt like to see Star Wars as a 5 year old boy, but I thought they stood just fine on their own.  In fact, I like some of the stuff in the prequels better than the some of the stuff in the originals (blasphemy!!)

In case you were wondering, here is MY ranking of all 6 currently available Star Wars movies:

  1. Revenge of the Sith
  2. Empire Strikes Back
  3. A New Hope
  4. Attack of the Clones
  5. Return of the Jedi
  6. Phantom Menace
Feel free to flame me for this in the comments.  No I don't hate Return of the Jedi, I just like the other ones more.  Personal preference.  And, even though I know Phantom Menace has a ton of problems, I love Qui Gon and Darth Maul, so I'll still watch it just to see those two awesome characters go at it.

The Force Awakens is projected to earn 2 BILLION dollars!  That's really incredible that in 2015 a franchise started in the 70s is still so relevant.  Yes, Disney is really pouring it on with the promotional material and the toys.  They definitely know what they're doing.  But the thing that I find annoying is how they're not-so-subtly distancing themselves from the prequels.  If you don't know what I mean, check out this video:

Star Wars: The Force Awakens - Comic-Con 2015 Reel

"Real Sets. Practical Effects"  Blah Blah Blah.  To my overly sensitive ears, this is a blatant attack on the prequels.  The more I hear about this movie, the more I get aggravated by this theme.


So I read somewhere that this black wearing, red lightsaber wielding guy, Kylo Ren, isn't a sith in this movie.  Why not?  Because Sith is a prequel word.

JJ Abrams said no mention of midichlorians will be made.  Because midichlorian is a prequel word.

Even the lack of an episode number shows the blatant distancing of this movie from the Lucas movies.  It just annoys me. 

There are several other fans that feel the same way as me.  I've read several other blog posts echoing my sentiments.

Even though this weird marketing tactic is irritating me I'm still excited for the Force Awakens.  I guess there is some validity to Disney's pandering to the cry-baby prequel haters.  They're trying to win back the incredibly small percentage of people who actually will consider skipping The Force Awakens because of their prequel hatred.  All of the prequel lovers will go see The Force Awakens regardless of how much Disney insults our taste.

On December 18th, I will going into the theater to see The Force Awakens with an open mind.

With that being said, here are my list of demands:

1. Luke MUST be the main character of this film.

2. We MUST see Luke do awesome "prequel-worthy" Jedi feats and not the lame original trilogy stunts.

3. Yoda MUST appear as a blue glowie to advise Luke,

4. Liam Neesons MUST appear as a blue glowie to advise Yoda.

5. George Lucas MUST appear as a blue glowie to advise JJ Abrams.

6. We MUST see 58 year old Carrie Fisher in a metal bikini.

7.  Leia MUST use the force.

8. JJ MUST explain why having those incredibly dumb looking crossguards on that dumb looking lightsaber is neccessary

9. Han Solo MUST survive through this movie.  

10. Boba Fett is dead and will remain that way,

11.  Lando

Like I said, I'm going into this movie with an open mind.  But if all of my simple demands are not met, this will go below Phantom Menace on my list.

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